Who Is Cletis Tout

Bomb Rating: 

This is some sort of caper film that has a quote on its cover by the idiotic Jeffrey Lyons to the effect of: "The funniest, wittiest crime comedy since 'Get Shorty'!" Frankly, I don't know what Jeffrey Lyons's definition of witty is, but I'm sure I'd be more than frightened if I ever heard his definition of words like "intelligent" and "complex."

The story concerns a convict named Finch (Christian Slater) who tells his story at the point of Critical Jim's (Tim Allen) gun. See, Critical Jim is sent to kill Finch, thinking that Finch is Cletis Tout. Basically, Finch has gotten involved in a screwy plan involving diamonds, homing pigeons and a tape that incriminates a mob hit man. The mob hires Critical Jim to get rid of Cletis Tout and the tape.

Here are a few of my "favorite" things from this film (this must be Jeffrey Lyons's idea of witty):

1. Critical Jim says to Finch, "Do you know you sound exactly like Jack Nicholson?" I'm sure filmmakers have been wanting to do this for ages in a movie with Christian Slater, but director Chris Ver Weil was the first to actually pull it off. Congratulations! Film geeks across the country are dancing with glee. Witty!

2. The mob first employs two of its dopes to kill Cletis Tout. Now, what's even more stupid than the dopes not pulling off the job is their boss, who walks into various places and yells at them, incriminating himself in the process by screaming at the top of his lungs about all the crimes they've committed.

3. In cahoots with Finch is Tess (Portia de Rossi), daughter of Micah (Richard Dreyfuss), one of Finch's prison mates and the guy who originally has the homing pigeon. Anyway, part of Tess's and Finch's plan involves Tess firing a high-powered rifle at him and some cops from the roof of a building. After she's done firing bullets and drawing all sorts of attention to herself, she makes a clean getaway, on a bike.

4. RuPaul actually has a role in the film.

Need I say more?

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