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Judging by the title, one would automatically think this is a movie about football. Wrong! Instead we are treated to a gut wrenching film about a loser dentist and how he gets involved with a hit man.
Matthew Perry plays a dentist. He's not even a good dentist. His wife (Rossana Arquette) hates him. He's trying to pay off his father-in-laws' debt that he has from the mob that made him kill himself. Can this guy's life get any lower? Yes.
A man (Bruce Willis) moves next door. Perry immediately recognizes him as a professional hit man who has been released from jail. His wife steps in and wants him to go to Chicago and make a deal with Willis' former boss who is looking for him. She even promises a divorce for Perry. Right after he leaves, she goes over to Willis and tells him what Perry is going to do.
The movie goes onto a complicated ride from here that is to say, unfunny at the very least. Perry's attempt to do physically comedy is boring. Willis' deadpan humor can't even fix things. By the time it's all over, you're smacking yourself in the head and wishing it was all over. One point of interest: Perry is supposively up to his ears in debt. Then why is living in a very large house in what looks like an exclusive neighborhood and driving a brand new volkwagon beetle?
Perhaps worst of all is that this movie has what I call Quickus Romance. Perry sees Willis former wife (Natasha Henstridge) walk through the door. Their eyes meet. Music plays in the background. In what would be three hours later in real life, they have sex. And right then, Perry knows that he has found the perfect match for his life.
Maybe I'm not spending enough time in single bars. But does anyone really look at someone, have sex with them a short time later, and then plan the rest of their lives with them?
This would have been a good book instead of a movie. Each scene does pace itself. But everything is too unbelieveable. The idea of this movie is funny. The final outcome is not.
p.c.
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