Wild Things

Bomb Rating: 

Let me just save everybody some time here and reveal that Neve Campbell had a "no nudity" clause in her contract, so the best director John ("Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer") McNaughton could do during the three-way sex scene between Suzie (Neve), Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards) and teacher Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon) is a shot of Neve's bare back. Unless you've been incarcerated for a long period of time, it's not that exciting.

This kind of tease is the hallmark of "Wild Things," which undoes the first button of its pants and then diddles around with the second button for two hours. After a while, it's a draw between wanting to see that second button undone and wanting to apply a swift kick to the screenwriter's ass.

This film is supposed to be a thriller, except that up until the last ten minutes, it's about as complicated as a Farrah Fawcett lecture on dialectical materialism: "(giggle) tee hee!" This is due to some truly world-class bad acting. Everybody is lying to everybody else so when Suzie, Kelly and Ryan hatch a scheme to get Sandra Van Ryan's (Theresa Russell) money, and Ray Duquette (Kevin Bacon) starts investigating, you can bet a long trip to the bathroom that just about everybody is involved.

Frankly, any movie with Theresa Russell is usually a signal that you're about to spend two hours feeling like you just ate rotting meat. During the filming of "Wild Things," Theresa was apparently passing her bad-acting disease like the plague.

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