So why did production company Morgan Creek green-light this film in the first place? Did they assume that young nubile women spend their nights in a dreamy daze inspired by Leslie Nielsen's bulging pectorals, or that young boys fight over the chance to "be Leslie Nielsen" when playing the latest Sega hit "Nielsen Carnage IV"? It would seem that such assumptions were in error. A more likely assumption is that the marketing people at Morgan Creek are mongoloids (with apologies to mongoloids) incapable of making a film appealing to anyone old enough to vote. Memo to you parody-film types: If the choice is always going to be between Leslie Nielsen and Charlie Sheen, the audience for the parody films is soon going to be limited to geriatrics and hookers.

Nielsen plays Ryan Harrison, "Lord of the Violin" to Richard Crenna's U.S. Marshal Fergus Falls. Falls thinks Harrison has murdered Hibbing Goodhue (Michael York) and chases him about while Harrison tries to find the one-armed, one-eyed, one-legged man who really did it. As parody films go, it's about as fresh and timely as "Mafia!" was during its day-and-a-half in theaters. Does it really take that long to get these things made? Here's an idea: Let's do a parody of "Birth of a Nation" -- the kids will really be able to relate.