Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Bomb Rating: 

For those of you waiting for the opportunity to see Jason Mewes' penis, this is the movie for you.

When you're thirty-eight, like Kevin Smith now is, and you're still making movies like "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", something has gone wrong. For Smith, what has gone wrong is that he's never stopped re-making "Clerks", the first film Smith made and the one that put him on the map.

"Zack and Miri" is a profanity-filled gab fest that's a little bit sad because Smith doesn't seem like he's escaped that teenage male misogyny that one has when one is frustrated at the fact that one can't get laid, not that I would know anything about that. And instead of making anything approaching adult, Smith is still stuck in a "Clerks" mode that has seen his film repeat the same tired themes with almost no growth in directorial skill. Frankly, I think it's time for Smith to give up directing and turn to acting, because there's a serious shortage on fat, happy sidekick characters these days. After Chris Farley died, Hollywood has been searching for "that guy".

Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) have been friends most of their lives. Now, in their late twenties, they're living together and not doing too well. Both are Mcployees; Zack a barista and Miri some kind of mall worker. They can barely pay their bills, so when the water goes off and the electricity goes out, and a high school reunion ignites remorse for dreams gone wrong, the two decide to make a porno, hoping to hit the financial big-time.

Zack's friend, Delaney (Craig Robinson), finances the thing with money he was going to use for a flat screen television. They recruit a videographer from their high school days (Jeff Anderson) and a few willing actors including Bubbles (Traci Lords) and Lester (Jason Mewes). Then the two agree that the sex they're about to have won't change their friendship.

Guess what? The sex changes their friendship. During the act, they both get that "oh my god, I love this person" look and the story sort of devolves into a typical "how do I express my feelings" love story. Naturally, it's punctuated by lots of f-bombs and assorted other profanities.

For those of you waiting for the opportunity to see Jason Mewes' penis, this is the movie for you. For those of you who want to see what too much fucking does to you, take a look at Traci Lords. She bares a striking resemblance to Joan Rivers. So yes, watching "Zack and Miri" caused the thought of having sex with Joan Rivers to briefly cross my mind.

Thanks, Kevin Smith, you asshole.
 

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Considering all of the films

Scumby's picture

Considering all of the films that don't get made for one reason or another, why the hell do assmonkeys like Smith and Apatow keep getting funded to repeatedly fling their feces at the viewing public?

These films are critical, cultural, artistic, technical, and--most damningly, box office-- disasters.

 

Smith..

Drew_Atreides's picture

Smith pulled what i like to call an ADAM SANDLER...

He obviously has the talent to do more.. He finally worked up the courage to TRY stepping out of his comfort zone...

 

And "Jersey Girl" was a box office disaster.  It's too bad, really, cause it was actually kinda cute, but the whole Affleck-Lopez connection insured it would fail before it even aired.

 

Since then, much like Sandler after "Punch Drunk Love", Smith is scared of trying to step out and be daring, and thus keeps resorting to the tried and tested formula of satisfying all of his comicbook geek/live in their mother's basement fans..

 

It's too bad, really.  We're probably going to get a CLERKS 3 when Dante and Randall are considering retirement...

 

The cockpit.. what is it?

I never liked Clerks, Malratts?

TMundo's picture

...Clerks, I don't know how many times I must mention this, but the comedic material was there, thwe film just lacked proper delivery of that material.  For example, one of the earlier scenes where the video ctore clerk sees a woman standing outside the store.  She's waiting for a video, so rather than let her in, he pretends to be a customer and claims that, he too, is waiting for that particular video.  He then makes a bet with the woman, that he will gert that video first.  he walks away, talks to Dante, then comes back, unlocks the door and pulls the video out of the window.  Nothing more is said on the subject, and for some reason, the joke doesn't come off as funny as it should be considering it seemed to be a pretty promising joke.  I don't know what could have been done to execute this joke properly, but it seem that that's pretty much the problem I have with Clerks.

 

Mallrats - I don't recall anything I could have related to in this film, but I do remember laughing.  It's just that overall, there didn't seem to be any substance in terms of a plot or purpose.

 

Jay and Bob do hollywood.  Is there a point?  The two characters were interesting as a sideshow, but to dominate an entire film?

 

I could never understand

Marion's picture

the adulation heaped on "Chasing Amy".

So. . . she fucked other guys, not just girls, so now you don't love her or want to be with her anymore?  And this somehow makes Holden tortured and deep, instead of self-righteous, narrow-minded, and fickle? 

I think of all the Smith I've seen (skipped "Jersey Girl") I probably enjoyed "Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back" best.  For me, it had the most laughs.  I enjoyed "Dogma" as well, but a few things were just too out there (Salma Hayek as a muse?  Bartleby despairing at the end instead of Loki?  Linda Fiorentino's who-gives-a-fuck-it's-a-paycheck phoned-in performance?).  Buddy Jesus, however, gets me every time!

For my money, I'd rather see him onscreen, too.  He's just a likeable guy, and in bit parts he's funny.

 

Yeah, i've never gotten the

Drew_Atreides's picture

Yeah, i've never gotten the love for "Chasing Amy" either. An absolutely ludicrous climax just COMPLETELY ruins the movie..

 

I remember Smith actually issuing a public apology for "Mallrats", claiming he knew he could do better. The  punchline is i think that movie is actually his most recognized and beloved...

 

The cockpit.. what is it?

Chasing Amy makes my top 10...

michael3b's picture

...worst fucking films ever made.  List.

A bunch of narcissists taking turns screaming, uniterrupted, 10 paragraph diatribes that sound like they're reading what some virgin who thinks he's got a quirky, nuanced grasp on reality wrote while hopped up on caffeine simply does not fly.  Not with me, boy.  No way, no how. Not in these parts.  See here, now. You're gonna have to sloooow that thing down, son.  Might'n get sumbdy killed.  How'd that look on your record?  Hmmm?  Do we understand each other?  I said...look at me when I'm talkin, son.  You see this here badge? Think this didn't come with a stick? Think I won't use it?  That's right. Now, you have 30 days to reply with either a not-guilty plea or you can remit full payment.  Now, don't go ahead and forget, 'cause a warrant will be issued.  And between the two of us- if I was you, I'd pay...Because me an the judge have an understanding, see? We go down to the Elks club on Fridays and fuck in the stalls...are you catching my drift yet? Am I being perfectly clear?  OK, then. Here's my phone number...you just call whenever, sweet cheeks.  Drive safely, y'hear.

Don't forget Will Smith...

TMundo's picture

...Or even before that, Tom Hanks.  Who basically ditched comedies and successfully went, ''serious actor,'' before anyone was ready.

Will Smith went from comical action film star to actual character acting star.  Although uit was easier because he had already gone from rapper to sitcom to action star to seasoned actor.

Sandler tried his hand, but I don't think he tried it enough, and remaking the longest yard was a mistake.

Directors?  I think this new one is an attempt to fuse Smith with Seth Rogan.  Although I don't know much about Smith, I'm guessing the combination of Rogan and Smith working on the same film is part of the reason why this film got made.

A cute, moderately funny film with a bad script.

HS's picture

I usually dig Kevin Smith's movies (though like others here I gave "Jersey Girl" a miss).  I even kinda dug "Mallrats," with one of Jason Lee's funnier turns (the guy is very hit-or-miss). 

As for "Zack and Miri," there were some hearty belly laughs (can we say "constipation?"), and I liked Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks together.  Unfortunately, the script was full of holes.  Both of these roommates have jobs and yet they can't even afford to pay the gas bill to heat their apartment?   There wasn't much of a point to the high school reunion scene...and not to mention, they never finished making their porno!  Uh, I guess you can consider that a mild spoiler.  Sorry.

The big question is: could Smith leave the potty humor behind and write a great PG-13 superhero script?  I don't really wanna see him direct it - Jon Favreau he ain't.

Discuss.

 

HS

Kevin Smith. He's doing

Anonymous's picture

Kevin Smith. He's doing some comic books now. Much better writer than filmmaker.

 join us mr. annonymous

Decaf's picture

 join us mr. annonymous

hmm

JustMe's picture

I thought that it was a good movie. I had some laughs. I do want to mention however that just b/c they both have a job, doesn't mean that they should've had enough money to pay their bills. It's not uncommon for hard working people to not make ends meet. However, the situation could've been helped by Zack and Miri not spending money on needless things. In their situation they obviously couldn't budget. In other people's situations, even with a perfect budget, sometimes things like the gas bill has got to go. You come home, put on three or more layers of clothes and deal.

Will Smith went from comical

blueagent's picture

Will Smith went from comical action film star to actual character acting star.  Although uit was easier because he had already gone from rapper to sitcom to action star to seasoned actor.

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