Zeus and Roxanne

Bomb Rating: 

The only way this film is going to be the "feel good hit of the year" is if a whole lot of people are compelled to stick their hands in their pants while watching it. Imagine: Steve Guttenberg and a friendship between a dog and a dolphin -- in what fiery pit of hell was this heartwarming plot conjured? Was this the film they were showing when Alex had his eyelids forced open in "A Clockwork Orange"?

While this is, of course, a kids movie, Guttenberg walks through the whole film looking like he's in a screen test for something else. He's unshaven to make himself look masculine. He sports an earring to make himself look tough. He plays an electric guitar to imply that he's hip. He takes off his shirt frequently to show that he's been spending all those days of unemployment working out in the gym. There's only one problem: No matter how masculine, tough, hip or sexy, casting Steve as anything even resembling a love interest still makes most women laugh themselves into uncontrollable fits of farting.

What possessed these filmmakers to release this film so close to the release of "Flipper"? Perhaps when they saw "Flipper" flounder at the box office like a dolphin in a tuna net, they decided that adding a dog to the formula would give it that extra bit of magic needed to become a surefire blockbuster. Nice try, filmmakers. Next time throw in a talking pig, a baseball-playing chimp and a whining ferret with the voice of Michael J. Fox -- then we'll have the last piece of evidence we need to kick you out of the country for good.

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