New every Friday: Don't go to the theater without checking Mr. Cranky's take on the latest Hollywood offal! Visit Mr. Cranky's complete guide to this week at the movies!

New on Tuesday, sometimes: Mr. Cranky vents his rage on news, politics, culture, weather, television and the innocent! Or maybe it's a guest columnist. Visit Mr. Cranky's growing contribution to the culture war!

Updated every Friday: A VERY frank appraisal of the latest at your local video store. Check out Mr. Cranky's guide to fresh rentals!

Cranky skewers 'em all! No movies are safe -- not Casablanca, not Star Wars, not Bride of Chucky! Browse from A to Z, or by bomb rating, in the full Cranky archives!

New Rentals:

April 25, 2008 How She Move Family Guy: Blue Harvest(guest review) April 18, 2008 Cloverfield (Mr. Smiley) The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Mr. Smiley) April 11, 2008 An Inconvenient Truth (guest review) April 4, 2008 Michael Clayton I Am Legend (guest review) March 28, 2008 There Will Be Blood March 21, 2008 The King of Kong Them The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera (guest review) March 14, 2008 Bee Movie The Kite Runner 101 Dalmatians (guest review) March 7, 2008 Dan in Real Life Things We Lost in the Fire Into the Wild Inland Empire (guest review #2) February 15, 2008 Gone Baby Gone Beowulf Across the Universe The Savages (guest review) The Ultimate Gift (guest review) Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (guest review) February 1, 2008 The Aristocats Forever January 18, 2008 Futurama: Bender's Big Score Ricco The Mean Machine Tragic Ceremony January 11, 2008 Darkon Eagle vs. Shark January 4, 2008 The Heartbreak Kid Underdog Lost: Season 3 December 21, 2007 National Treasure (guest review) December 14, 2007 Dirt December 7, 2007 The Killing Kind Dr. Katz Professional Therapist: The Complete Series November 30, 2007 The Amicus Collection November 16, 2007 Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause November 9, 2007 October Road: Season 1 November 2, 2007 What About Brian: Seasons 1&2 October 26, 2007 Meet the Robinsons Casshern The Invisible October 5, 2007 Eaten Alive Inland Empire September 28, 2007 Dances with Wolves Grey's Anatomy: Season 3 The Intruder Nip/Tuck: The Complete Fourth Season September 10, 2007 Antibodies House: Season 3 August 31, 2007 Blades of Glory Year of the Dog August 24, 2007 Perfect Stranger Air Guitar Nation August 17, 2007 Wild Hogs Neverwas Fracture Lookout August 10, 2007 Our Very Own August 3, 2007 300 July 27, 2007 Zodiac The Number 23 Reign Over Me July 20, 2007 Premonition June 29, 2007 Black Snake Moan Dead Silence June 22, 2007 Bridge to Terabithia The Glove The Last Hunter June 15, 2007 Breach June 8, 2007 Norbit June 1, 2007 Hannibal Rising May 25, 2007 Apocalypto Venus May 18, 2007 Pan's Labyrinth Stomp the Yard The Fountain May 11, 2007 Music and Lyrics Catch and Release Because I Said So May 4, 2007 The Hitcher Little Children Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus April 27, 2007 Deja Vu April 20, 2007 The Queen Smokin' Aces Freedom Writers Notes on a Scandal April 13, 2007 Chinatown April 6, 2007 The Good Shepherd Naked You Die March 30, 2007 Children of Men Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj March 23, 2007 Eragon Rocky Balboa Espionage in Tangiers March 16, 2007 Casino Royale The Holiday The Heart of the Game March 9, 2007 Borat Fast Food Nation Peter Pan (1953) March 2, 2007 Stranger Than Fiction February 23, 2007 Man of the Year Flushed Away Jess Franco's Count Dracula February 16, 2007 The Departed School for Scoundrels Zoom Half Nelson February 9, 2007 Grey's Anatomy: Season Two Prayer Beads Flags of Our Fathers The Grudge 2 Hollywoodland February 2, 2007 Flyboys January 26, 2007 Saw III The Guardian Slaughter of the Vampires January 19, 2007 Gridiron Gang Employee of the Month January 12, 2007 Crank The Illusionist The Night Listener January 5, 2007 Snakes on a Plane The Black Dahlia The Last Kiss The Covenant The Descent December 22, 2006 Invincible Lady in the Water Step Up A Scanner Darkly My Super Ex-Girlfriend December 15, 2006 Talldega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby The Devil Wears Prada World Trade Center December 8, 2006 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Miami Vice Beerfest Pulse Grand Theft Auto December 1, 2006 Superman Returns Clerks II Robin Hood The Cry Baby Killer November 24, 2006 An Inconvenient Truth Ice Age: The Meltdown Scoop November 17, 2006 The DaVinci Code John Tucker Must Die November 10, 2006 Cars --> Little Man November 3, 2006 Mission: Impossible 3 October 27, 2006 Nacho Libre Monster House Slither October 20, 2006 The Break-Up American Dreamz The Omen Over the Hedge October 13, 2006 Kinky Boots Click You, Me and Dupree Art School Confidential A Prairie Home Companion October 6, 2006 The Little Mermaid X-Men: The Last Stand Thank You for Smoking September 29, 2006 Goal! The Dream Begins The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift The Lake House September 22, 2006 The Wild Stick It Stay Alive September 15, 2006 Lucky Number Slevin Tsotsi September 8, 2006 United 93 Scorpius Gigantus September 1, 2006 The Sentinel Take the Lead August 25, 2006 Poseidon Silent Hill August 18, 2006 RV Scary Movie 4 August 11, 2006 Inside Man Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector August 4, 2006 V for Vendetta July 28, 2006 The Benchwarmers Final Destination 3 July 21, 2006 She's the Man July 14, 2006 Basic Instinct 2 July 7, 2006 The Matador The Libertine June 30, 2006 Failure to Launch Annapolis Ultraviolet June 23, 2006 Syriana Eight Below The Hills Have Eyes Nochnoi Dozor (Night Watch) June 16, 2006 The Pink Panther 16 Blocks June 9, 2006 Firewall Glory Road Underworld: Evolution The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada Running Scared June 2, 2006 Date Movie Freedomland May 26, 2006 Cheaper by the Dozen 2 May 19, 2006 The Ringer Something New When a Stranger Calls May 12, 2006 Munich The New World Nanny McPhee Big Momma's House 2 Grandma's Boy Rumor Has It May 05, 2006 Family Stone Last Holiday April 28, 2006 Aeon Flux Casanova Match Point Shopgirl April 21, 2006 Event Horizon Girl 6 Hostel April 14, 2006 Fun with Dick and Jane The Greatest Game Ever Played An Unfinished Life Wolf Creek April 7, 2006 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Brokeback Mountain Bee Season March 17, 2006 Good Night, and Good Luck A History of Violence March 10, 2006 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Jarhead Just Friends Prime March 3, 2006 Walk the Line The Ice Harvest Pride and Prejudice Yours, Mine and Ours February 24, 2006 Domino Rent North Country February 17, 2006 Zathura Saw II Proof February 10, 2006 Doom Just Like Heaven Waiting Elizabethtown Wallace & Gromit in Curse of the Were-Rabbit February 3, 2006 Corpse Bride In Her Shoes The Legend of Zorro January 27, 2006 Flightplan The Fog January 20, 2006 Lord of War Two for the Money The Man Junebug January 13, 2006 The Constant Gardener Red-Eye The Transporter 2 Hustle & Flow January 6, 2006 Wedding Crashers The Cave Broken Flowers December 30, 2005 Dark Water Into the Blue December 23, 2005 Must Love Dogs Serenity The Exorcism of Emily Rose Four Brothers The Brothers Grimm Cry Wolf The Great Raid December 16, 2005 The 40 Year-Old Virgin The Island Bad News Bears Valiant December 9, 2005 Fantastic Four Cinderella Man The Dukes of Hazzard December 2, 2005 Mr. and Mrs. Smith March of the Penguins Sky High Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Murderball November 25, 2005 War of the Worlds The Polar Express The Honeymooners November 18, 2005 Madagascar The Skeleton Key Stealth November 11, 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Christmas with the Kranks The Devil's Rejects Happy Endings November 4, 2005 Millions Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith October 28, 2005 Bewitched Herbie: Fully Loaded House of Wax Melinda and Melinda October 21, 2005 Batman Begins Land of the Dead October 14, 2005 Kicking and Screaming Kingdom of Heaven Me and You and Everyone We Know The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Unleashed October 7, 2005 The Amityville Horror The Interpreter      Almost tolerable      Consistently annoying      Will require therapy after viewing      As good as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick      So godawful that it ruptured the very fabric of space and time   with the sheer overpowering force of its mediocrity.      Proof that Jesus died in vain.