The Most Recent Mr. Cranky Reviews
The basic premise of “Up in the Air” is that a person needs a family, at least some kind of permanence, in order to be truly happy. This is, of course, a giant, heaping pile of shit.
The true goal of this film is to instill in teenage girls the desire to lose their virginity as soon as possible.
If you had a Thompson sub-machine gun, do you think maybe the bozo at the teller window would have filled out his deposit slip beforehand?
Attention Hollywood: there are two things you should never make a movie about. Blogging. And Cooking.
“District 9” represents precisely what is wrong with all the torture-porn and pointless SFX garbage that gets shoveled at horror and sci-fi fans these days.
The periodic fight scenes are really nothing more than re-staged B-western gun battle scenes using sticks instead of six-shooters.
By the end of the movie, I was left wondering if there were any actors remaining in Hollywood who hadn’t played these exact same two roles at some point in there careers.
Note: give any disgusting one-eyed old lady with a Hungarian accent who puts her filthy dentures on your desk whatever the fuck she wants.
Remember how cool Jar-Jar Binks was, and how the only thing cooler than Jar-Jar would have been two Jar-Jars? Well, Bay got that message loud and clear.
Fans of some of the more amusing aspects of the mentally handicapped will be disappointed with the soloist.
Unsurprisingly, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” doesn’t deviate from the standard McConaughey playbook.
By now, most of the first generation of Trekkies are firmly ensconced in either nursing homes or cubicle-based jobs where their threat to humanity has largely been contained.
Is it possible that a character’s supposed biopic can leave us knowing even less about what makes him tick than when we first stepped into the theatre?
If the protagonist doesn’t actually buy into the premise of the film, then how the hell is the audience supposed to come along for the ride?
I'm sure there will be people who discuss this movie on internet forums and try to debate what the real meaning is. These people are idiots.
If you grew up in the Eighties, then you’ve seen it all before firsthand, and honestly, who wants to revisit that shit-hole decade.
Just imagine what it would be like to have your peaceful middle class neighborhood invaded by a bunch of people who think Madonna and Cher are great singers.
If you want the added bonus of watching actors past their physical prime visibly age in front of your eyes, then by all means catch this flick.
Unfortunately, the digital revolution has made it cheap enough for any television producer with a million bucks lying around to shit out their own bowel-shaking masterpiece and distribute it to unsuspecting theatre chains across the country.
Take the cash for the movie ticket and treat yourself to something less painful, like a nice bikini wax or a stimulating root canal.
With so much exposition to get through, there are sequences of the film that feel like someone reading page after page of the Old Testament out loud.
Street Fighter used to be about the fighting. Apparently, now it’s about giving B grade TV stars their very own leading roles.
I expected powerful Tony Soprano-type gangsters. Instead I got a nervous cast of destitute nancy-boys from Oliver Twist.
